Tonight Matt was successful in getting Thom to bed early and was able to spend bedtime with Lily and JUST Lily.
The laundry waited, the kitchen waited, the stroller was outside and it poured down rain for about 10 minutes and got soaked… but that too waited. THIS bedtime with Lily was the most important…
It’s been so very long since Lily and I have had our bedtime moments. We read books, give each other facials, back massages, brush our hair and then tell stories about the day. She tells me things about her life – her feelings, her grand plans, her fears.
This is our bubble of a moment where nothing is held back and she can’t get in trouble for telling me things like “you know when you asked me to throw away the dirty diaper… I actually put it in the laundry hamper”. This is our space… we kinda naturally created this bedtime ritual space and it really hurts my heart to think about her growing up and ‘aging out’ of our snuggle time.
Lily lies on my belly when she goes to sleep. She used to fit entirely on my torso and as she has grown her longs legs dangle off and drape along the side of my body… but still she rests her sweet. thoughtful. kind. head on my chest and that’s all that matters.
I always say to her –
When you grow up will you still sleep on my belly? Even when you are in college and even when you’re an old grandma?
She smiles and says… yes! A true yes. one she means. And it makes me feel very very needed in her sweet life.
You know sometimes us parents- who stay at home primarily with the kiddies- can get into a rut. An- everyday is the same- kinda rut.
There are routines that must happen in order for things to function- wake up at 3am for a feeding, wake up again at 5am for a feeding, wake up yet again at 7am for the day and not feel rested. Disappointment that breakfast was a glass of milk and banana and a granola bar because I’m too exhausted to make a proper breakfast… too exhausted and it’s only 8AM! Then there is playtime… we go through about 15 projects in a day.. all while trying to squeeze in naptime for the baby, laundry, cleaning the house (that was a joke), and keeping a sane mind.
Lily can talk for HOURS these days… about all kinds of amazing things… but for HOURS! and then just when you stand victor over your day with your superwoman cape blowing in the wind… something in the corner catches your eye and it’s that clock giving you that cheeky face and saying… oh hella no no no mamabear… it’s ONLY 4pm!
So then starts the evening routine. cooking, bathtime, bedtime… witching hour.
These days are long. These days are exhausting. But these days go by really fast.
As I lay with Lily this evening singing my nightly set of – oh danny boy, in the bleak midwinter, angel we have heard on high and sweet child of mine- I realized something very important… the MOST important of all…
The people I influence the MOST and have the BIGGEST impact on are these babies of mine. No matter what my lofty goals – advocating for arts education, using dance as a medium for social change, working with a non-profit… building my media career… all takes a bask seat these days.
My work is here at home. My audience is ready and willing and will buy anything I sell and copy everything I do… so mama needs to get it together and be the very best during these routinely repetitive days.
My most important work these days is… these two tiny beings who think I am their entire world.
What an honor.