So recently I decided to go hang with non-kid having folks and one of my gorgeous – totally fit- single- no kid having… friends from my dance world said to me:
It’s really weird to see you not all bangin!
- First of all – thanks for thinking I used to be all bangin!
- Second – What the HELL-OOOO!
Apparently if you were ” bangin” once.. you best get back to ‘bangin” shape after having a baby because if not… people notice and are quick to point that madness out.
Whatever dear friend – with no kids and nothing to do but dance and workout and run around free as a bird all day…
Let explain something to you:
- I am not a celebrity who has personal trainers and a manager and a publicist and whole ARMY of people who will be paying their mortgage this month because I am in a polka dot bikini on the cover of some glossy mag 2 days after giving birth to a human.
- I don’t have a personal chef who gives me all the nutrients I need while breast-feeding while also trying to drop 30 LBS in 2 days after birthing to the human I mentioned in point #1.
- I am STILL… 8 months later… having physical issues like a weak core, I can’t run as comfortably as I used to, my arches in my feet have fallen, I pee pretty much every time I sneeze, and my days are filled with feeding a baby, chasing an 8Yo and dealing with the emotional roller coaster that comes with an 8YO girl and a baby, cleaning the kitchen, juggling my MULTIPLE personalities, trying to foster a creative career, laundry and a wish list that has to wait for a few years…. must I go on?
- I don’t care about your silly unrealistic opinion…. and…
- I don’t wear polka dot bikinis anyway… and
- ya mama.
Well…there ya have it. The reality of it all.
So in the end I have to say… as a professional dancer ... I have had a career where your body… your BANGIN body ( i’d like to add)… is what got you the job. You can’t be dancing on stage with the hottest pop stars or in commercials or on broadway or on a concert stage with less than a bangin bod. Additionally your technique would suffer and your dance and art would suffer… and you wouldn’t get any gigs, and wouldn’t be able to afford to live… etc.
I guess i actively stopped paying attention to my body about 4 years ago. There was so much going on with Lily and I was exhausted trying to juggle dance and motherhood and suburban life.
These days I sorta kinda have enjoyed having no pressure to get back to shape and I actually love my soft mushy belly. This soft mushy belly which housed and cared for and cradled my sweet baby for 9+ months and has continued to offer him food and a place to rest his body and is his place of comfort… so it’s fine with me that 8 months later I’m not bangin and a bit soft.
There is SOOOO much pressure to get back to shape after having a baby. In the media, in magazines. I can’t even pick up an innocent mag for babies… where there isn’t some article about ” how to lose your baby weight while doing lunges in the kitchen while cooking a nutritious meal for your family”. Isn’t cooking a meal enough people… do i HAVE to squeeze in lunges in the kitchen!
So what am I going to do about my ‘non bangin” status.
Nothing. Absolutely nothing. For the FIRST time in my adult life, I am not expected to have a tight core or a fit body, I’m not dancing professionally these days and it’s OK. My career does not depend on what my body looks like.
I would like to get back to fighting shape… but at my own time. at my speed.
This baby weight rat race is intense and it sucks that we – women- mothers – are judged or have commentary and are compared on something so very trivial.
* My friend is totally cool and knows I’m writing smack about her comments to me. *