Parenting highs are really high and parenting lows are really low.
// be warned… this is another weepy sappy rant//
It’s been a tough few weeks over here. We started sleep training right when we got back from our holidays. Every night has hosted a symphony of cries coming from the nursery. It’s emotionally taxing. Somehow amidst all this hullabaloo of coming back from vaca, lily going back to school, Matt busy with work… I got lost.
Remember my grandiose, lofty goals, dreaming big speech I gave myself at the beginning of the year? Well folks. Nada. Nothing. Not a thing has moved on that list. Not that I haven’t tried… ok actually I haven’t tried. I just plain have not had a moment to even TRY to start!
Sleep deprivation is not fun. I stay up with Thomas at night since I’m home most days. Then the following day I’m exhausted and cranky and irritated and am still in bed with a sleeping babe until 10am! <sometimes later>
Last night Thomas cried until 2:30am! I finally gave in and brought him to bed so I could sleep. And today my day ended up being a wash and lily came home from school and was such a dragon that the last-minute date that Matt and I had scheduled had to be cancelled because Lily was just too much and I was too much … it’s too much.
It gets you down you know. Days like these have the tendency to cover you up from the rest of the world, it casts this cloak of doldrums on your senses and whole spirit and prevents you from seeing the light. It’s a pretty crappy feeling.
My friend told me today…and it’s the best advice I’ve received in a long time.
After I went through my whole – nobody likes me, nobody loves me, i’m going out to eat worms bit… she said.
“get up, get dressed and show up. Show Up to Your Life” – no matter what you are feeling, get dressed in the morning and leave the house even if for a little bit.
So that’s what I’m going to do. No more staying in the house with the babe on cold grey New York winter days, everyday I’m going to make it a point to get out of this house and show up to my life! Even if it’s to Target for daily meditation.
We are on Day 6 of sleep training and it’s getting much better. There is a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel… a small light… i see it!
…oh and also, I’m not giving up on my lofty, grandiose, big dreams and goals for this year. My step one is coming.
…and also I’m writing this as my sweet babe cries in the nursery down the hallway. we had the sweetest evening kissing and laughing and Lily read us stories… and then I left him in the nursery to
sleep/cry/wail/sleep/scream/he needs him mommmy/sleep.