In November I wrote an article about ADOPTION that was picked up by the Huffington Post. It received an outpouring of love and support and many people shared their own personal stories. One that stood out to me was from a friend back in my hometown. Jennifer placed her child for adoption 22 years ago and shared her story with me. It’s beautiful. Bring the tissues out. But more importantly it’s raw and a pure celebration of love, sacrifice and the truth about being a mother. Whether you are like me – and adopted a child or like Jennifer and placed your child for adoption… This Mother’s Day I want to share Jennifers story with you as we celebrate mothers, mothers who gave birth to us from their bodies and mothers who birthed us from their hearts.
I was 17 years old, pregnant, scared, and in complete denial about everything! When my parents found out I thought for sure I was going to be on my own. Boy was I wrong!! With love and support they helped me get through everything one day at a time. What I didn’t realize, was how cruel the outside world could be. The stares, the snickers, the cold looks. I was completely on the fence as to what I was going to do as far as whether or not to keep the baby or place the baby up for adoption. Abortion was NEVER an option!!! My parents suggested that I make a pros and cons list for both situations and then maybe go visit a few of the adoption agencies. Well that’s where life got tough. So called friends said horrible things like “what are you thinking giving that baby away”, or “you can’t keep that baby, you’re just a kid”. There were so many hurtful words. So I thought ok, let’s visit a few agencies and see if they can be more helpful. I walked in the door and was greeted by smiling faces and a comment of “you are in the right place, you have to do the right thing and give your baby up for adoption”. Excuse me? I don’t HAVE to do anything I chose not too!!! Needless to say I didn’t say much while I was there, and I left in absolute tears. How can they tell me what I have to do!! So, on to the next agency I went, and of course I had my guard up and was probably even a little rude to the ladies when I first walked in. But the experience was so much different. They listened to me, they asked me how I was feeling, what my thoughts were, what my plans were. It really helped to have someone on my side and not telling me what I had to do.
After that last visit and going over my pros and cons lists, I knew adoption was the best option for my son. He needed a family that could spoil him rotten and could stop on a dime for him. I can’t say that the adoptive parents would love him any more than I could, but I knew they could give him so much more than I ever could.
Here it is “birth”day. Emotions are out of control! Am I sure this is the right thing, did I chose the right parents, am I making a mistake…. And look at this little face…
The next day I left the hospital without him. The following day he will go home with his new mom and dad. But deep in my heart I knew I made the right choice. Do I think about him? Of course I do, every day and especially on his birthday. I still shed tears talking about it, but I am not ashamed or embarrassed about what I did!
But unfortunately the pain of people’s words would still strike! I got comments like you would not believe. “Don’t you regret what you did?” “You’re his real mom how could you do that?” I literally had to stop talking to certain people because I couldn’t take it anymore. What people don’t realize about adoption is that there are two sides to the story of the child involved. And two moms who’s hearts have been through so much. While the biological mom is trying to move on with her life, the new mom is trying to make changes to adjust to a new baby at home. A baby she has longed to have, or maybe even helped save, or maybe god just wanted her to have. Please think twice before asking either of us your questions. One heart is feeling lonely, while the other is feeling overwhelmed with joy. The questions to the new mom about the biological mom are none of anyone’s business. I pray to god that people don’t think I was this drunk or drugged up teenager that got knocked up by some strange boy. That is not even close to the truth!
To this day I have people ask why I have chosen not to find him yet. My answer to that is simple… I promised him on the day he was born that I would never stalk him, invade his space, or track him down unless he wanted me too. I left that door open for if he ever chose to come and find me. If he chooses to never find me I am at peace with that. I just pray he has gotten the most out of life and is proud of the parents he has. People look at me funny when I tell them that too. It’s not that I don’t want to run right out, look up his address, and knock on his door. What it has to do with is I gave him that choice the day I gave him up. I don’t know if he thinks about it, or if he is just so content in his life that he chooses not to find me right now.
And it is ok!
Please don’t judge either one of us, just remember us all in your prayers, and remember that you will never know the full story, and always remember that it’s the child’s happiness that both of the moms involved are after.
Many Blessing to you all,